In the same vein

If we're going to bring up kubotans we may as well discuss the other ubiquitous magic wand of self defense and that is the tear gas/OC spray on a key chain.

Here's the problem as I see it. With any weapons system you have to practice accessing and using it under stress, unless you end up in the highly unlikely situation of being forewarned that an attack is immanent.

Why is that unlikely? Because career criminals don't like to forewarn their victims...in fact they like to remove as many advantages the victim may have and stack the deck well and truly in their favour and pretty much ambush the victim. This is why so many police reports begin with "He came out of nowhere."

So, can you, while you're reeling from the shock of being hit in the head, find your OC, flip the cap off, and spray it in the right direction? I'd be willing to put money on the fact you can't and I'd also be willing to put money on the fact that the majority of women carrying them round have never even test fired the thing one time.

Here's some other problems with the product. I don't want to use anything that I have to lick my finger first and hold it up to determine which way the wind is blowing. In Marseille as a military policeman I saw a guy on the other side of the Canibierre spray his and the wind took it down the street where it hit a multitude of people who had nothing to do with the initial assault.

Spray it in a car at a bad guy trying to get in and it will blow back in the car and get you. Also, ask any cop who uses it how many times he and his partners have been effected by the stuff as well. Every cop I've ever asked have told me they always end up covered in the stuff. The advantage to them is that it's happened so many times they're pretty much inured to it. How about you? Have you sprayed yourself a few times so you know what to expect?

Sadly it's another one of the "peace of mind, magic wands" that people buy and instantly feel better. Big mistake.

Killer Granny & the snake oil man

I saw another one today. She must have been seventy if she was a day and she had the ubiquitous kubotan key ring defender as her key chain. (Seen on the right)

Several times I've asked them if they actually know how to use their "magic defense wand" and have yet to run into one who's had any training.

One told me she thought you should hold it and flail them with your keys.

A local defense instructor actually has the gall to sell the version with the spikes on it to Realtors at his self defense for Realtors classes.

Just what that's going to do to a determined crack addict - apart from tick him off - I have no idea. Sadly, they think all they have to do is listen to the expert for an hour, buy the "magic wand" and they're good to go.

Banned On Planes

Even the TSA has been caught up in the hoopla since cops were shown these things years ago at a seminar somewhere. I can just imagine a hijacker taking over a plane with the equivalent of a carpenter's pencil..."Right, fly this plane to Cuba or I'm going to put you in a really painful wrist lock."

But no, that will never happen because they've banned them on planes. You can carry a four foot piece of hickory dowel though...I know because my brother did exactly that flying out of Charlotte a few years ago. He'd come over for some weapons training and I gave him a kubotan to take back home.

We arrived at the security checkpoint, me with a tactical folder (concealed in special way to pass through security) and my brother with his new found kubotan and a four foot hickory quarter staff (known as a Jo for the martial artists reading). The little old lady conducting the security check looked at the kubotan like it was the devil's own invention. "You can't take that with you dear. You'll have to go back to ticketing and give it to them and they'll pass it on to the pilot who'll keep it safe in the cockpit till you arrive at the other end."

We were both stunned! He couldn't take something the size and weight of a carpenter's pencil on board but the Jo - something Robin Hood would have been proud to fight Little John with - was ok. Mind boggling stuff.

So, Do They Work At All?

Well there's a version with OC in it that's not bad, providing you have the presence of mind while being assaulted to disengage the safety clip, orient it in the right direction and find the button at the right end...otherwise, as a key chain they're great. Also, they're not bad for cops wanting to extract drunken red necks who won't let go of the steering wheel out the car window...right Mike?