Killer Granny & the snake oil man

I saw another one today. She must have been seventy if she was a day and she had the ubiquitous kubotan key ring defender as her key chain. (Seen on the right)

Several times I've asked them if they actually know how to use their "magic defense wand" and have yet to run into one who's had any training.

One told me she thought you should hold it and flail them with your keys.

A local defense instructor actually has the gall to sell the version with the spikes on it to Realtors at his self defense for Realtors classes.

Just what that's going to do to a determined crack addict - apart from tick him off - I have no idea. Sadly, they think all they have to do is listen to the expert for an hour, buy the "magic wand" and they're good to go.

Banned On Planes

Even the TSA has been caught up in the hoopla since cops were shown these things years ago at a seminar somewhere. I can just imagine a hijacker taking over a plane with the equivalent of a carpenter's pencil..."Right, fly this plane to Cuba or I'm going to put you in a really painful wrist lock."

But no, that will never happen because they've banned them on planes. You can carry a four foot piece of hickory dowel though...I know because my brother did exactly that flying out of Charlotte a few years ago. He'd come over for some weapons training and I gave him a kubotan to take back home.

We arrived at the security checkpoint, me with a tactical folder (concealed in special way to pass through security) and my brother with his new found kubotan and a four foot hickory quarter staff (known as a Jo for the martial artists reading). The little old lady conducting the security check looked at the kubotan like it was the devil's own invention. "You can't take that with you dear. You'll have to go back to ticketing and give it to them and they'll pass it on to the pilot who'll keep it safe in the cockpit till you arrive at the other end."

We were both stunned! He couldn't take something the size and weight of a carpenter's pencil on board but the Jo - something Robin Hood would have been proud to fight Little John with - was ok. Mind boggling stuff.

So, Do They Work At All?

Well there's a version with OC in it that's not bad, providing you have the presence of mind while being assaulted to disengage the safety clip, orient it in the right direction and find the button at the right end...otherwise, as a key chain they're great. Also, they're not bad for cops wanting to extract drunken red necks who won't let go of the steering wheel out the car window...right Mike?

Kids Stuff

Parents often ask me what's best for their kids to learn. Despite being a black belt in several styles of karate and an unarmed combat instructor and Filipino martial arts student my answer is always Judo.

To begin with your child will learn how to do break- falls. This skill, highly valued by stuntmen, will save them (and you) hurt and medical bills over the duration of their childhood as they fall off bicycles, and trip on things. Heck, forget childhood, it's saved me many times as an adult as well, not least at all when coming off my motorbike a few times.

Next, it is an Olympic sport. There's always the off chance that your wunderkind will go on to be an Olympic medal winner which is no bad thing.

Third point is that it will wear them out physically so they won't be home bouncing off the walls because they haven't spent any energy today.

Fourth is the fact that the techniques in the kid's programme are non-striking by nature. They involve throws and pins, no joint locks or strangles. Unlike Tae Kwan Do or karate, which teaches striking, this means that your kid's likely response in a fight at school is going to be go grab someone and trip them to the ground where they can be pinned till a teacher arrives.

If "Little Johnnies" trained reaction is to punch and kick instead then he's far more likely to do so in the event of a fight which can mean serious injury to the recipient.

Fifth, Judo is one of those sports that just tends to be populated by "nice" guys. This is invariably due to the fact you can't "hide" in a Judo school. Everyone who holds rank has had to compete (hard) to get it and so there's no fantasists running around convinced they're lethal weapons when they're not. (something sadly you run into often in trad martial arts)

Sixth, Judo is cheap. Because it's a non-profit organization clubs charge a mere pittance for membership. Last time I went I think I paid about ten bucks a month and kids paid a dollar.

Now, is that to say the karate programmes are no good? Not at all. Some of them now are nothing short of amazing in that they make sure the kids are taught discipline, keep their rooms clean, get good grades and respect their elders etc. In Charlotte, Mike Price http://www.cmaakicks.com/ is the go to guy for that stuff. I've recommended several of my friends to Mike and his programme is brilliant so, if it's karate "little Johnnie" must have then go to Mike's. However, if you're looking for the Olympic sport that trains champions and like the idea of your kid not learning how to punch and kick then Judo rocks.

Nick