Monday, January 22, 2007

Merlin the Magician's Been At It Again

Well I just heard it on the news all time favourite jackass statement from a crime victim. A woman had been hit at the ATM and said on the news "He came out of nowhere."

Apparently Merlin the Magician is alive and well and operating as a criminal all over the world. I mean think about that for a second "He came out of nowhere." What does that mean? You're sitting at the lights, boom, all of a sudden there's a puff of smoke and there he is, the criminal, right out of...well, nowhere! What an act, what a genius...David Blane, eat your heart out.

The true version of that statement should probably read "I was sitting at the lights, PUTTING ON MY MAKEUP, while GABBING ON MY CELLPHONE and EATING MY EGG McMUFFIN when the criminal, who had been watching me for a few minutes, determined that I was sufficiently task fixated to not notice his approach.

Of course a statement like that would actually lay some of the blame for the assault at the feet of our hapless victim which, in America's "I can do no wrong" society just wouldn't fly so instead we go with the Merlin approach.

So, one step to severely lessen the chance of you ever being chosen as a victim by a crook is to keep your wits about you and try not to get task fixated. If you can do that, all the ordinary crooks will leave you alone. Then, all we have to do is get the Lady of the Lake to stick Merlin back in his glass prison and we'll all be safe.


PS: Maybe the Beatles bumped into him as well...

He's a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.

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